Tonight there's going to be a BIG dispute in the Singer family household. Sometime around 9 p.m. there is a world premiere of what I consider a cutting-edge bit of film noir, or, if you prefer, cinema verite. My wife, a purportedly wise woman, has informed me that we are not watching the movie. Or, to put it more bluntly, she said that we're "not watching that crap."
Frankly, I just don't understand her. We watched the prequel. How do you not watch the sequel to a prequel . . . right? I mean, you know, there are rules about these things. It's there in the Guy's Handbook.
If what I wanted to watch tonight was garbage, I would be the first to agree with my wife. On the other hand, this premiere film release involves a meteorological event of epic proportions. Think along the lines of Al Gore's "An Inconvenient Truth," which blew the lid off the global warming cover-up. Sadly, I didn't see that film but if I had, I would certainly had made a point of watching whatever meteorological stuff was being presented. Personally, I think weather is an important part of our daily lives. It guides the way we dress and whether we drink hot or cold drinks, and those are just a couple of things that come to mind. I mean can you imagine a day without weather?
Suppose that you lived somewhere and a bad weather event was headed your way. Let's say you lived in New York City and Hurricane Sandy was coming at you. Hey, I went through that and by watching news stories about the oncoming storm I was better prepared for the wind and rain. Speaking of wind, imagine if a tornado were to hit New York City. Tornadoes don't hit big cities, you say. Well just yesterday one hit near Boston. And there are plenty of them that hit smaller cities and rural communities everyday. You'd want to know what to do in case a tornado hit the Big Apple and you were living there, right?
All of which is why I think the Singer family should be sitting in front the television tonight around 9 p.m. when the SyFy Channel has its first-run airing of "Sharknado 2: The Second One." It's not a fantasy. Tornadoes exist. This isn't something like a zombie or a vampire, which probably don't exist except for the fact that how could there be so many movies and television shows about zombies and vampires if there wasn't some truth to the tales. Right?
In the original "Sharknado" (should we be calling that "Sharknado 1: The First One?" What's the convention with that since that they didn't release it under that title), we saw the true-to-life danger of what could happen when a hurricane hits Los Angeles and sharks get sucked into the vortex and then the winds start spinning and then you get what has now become popularly accepted as nearly pseudo-reality: a Sharknado. I don't know about you, but I saw that TV film and was mesmerized. I watched the thrilling scenes of man-eating, flying sharks and was thankful to the many educational lessons that have left me better prepared for such an encounter in New York City. Oh, and for those doubters and naysayers among you who don't believe that there is a scientific basis for a Sharknado, I would point out that Sharknado (the first one) was actually nominated for a prestigious People's Choice Award in 2014 as a favorite TV movie or miniseries.
As a nearly three-decade veteran of Wall Street, I look forward to tonight's "Sharknado 2: The Second One" because I know that there are already many sharks on Wall Street (plus I'm a legal shark . . . and there are a lot of us in NYC too). I am curious to see how an Investment Banker matches up with a Mako, or a White Collar Lawyer matches up with a Great White. Clearly, I am not going to be watching this film just for the fun of it but for a number of professional reasons for which I also intend to seek Continuing Education credits.
Listen to the SyFy Channel's official movie trailer, my friends, because it sort of says it all:
In every generation there is a cinematic event that changes everything. A spectacle that brings people together while taking the world by storm.
I mean, geez, I can't put it any plainer than that.
Sadly, my wife thinks that I'm an idiot. I'm her idiot, as she often says, but she still likely plans on pulling the television remote from my hands around 8 p.m. tonight. If I lose, we're going to be watching one of those PBS shows with some baby animal or a British mystery that will prompt my wife to ask me - frequently - "Did you understand what he just said?"
I believe that everyone should be planted firmly in front of their television this evening, prepared to take copious notes about sharks trapped in tornadoes and how to best protect yourself against such wind-swept carnivores. I would also suggest an ample supply of chips, dip, cookies, and other nutritional treats be at hand. If you choose not to watch this educational but still cinematic event, don't telephone me in a panic if a Sharknado appears near your home or business and you have no idea how to save yourself.
Actually, you can call me but it's gonna cost you a $1,000 retainer and I'm billing you at $550 an hour!