FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION FBI.WASHINGTON D.C.
Dear FBI Director Comey:
JAMES B. COMEY, JR'' FBI
9:04 AM (51 minutes ago)
JAMES B. COMEY, JR
EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR FBI.
FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION FBI.WASHINGTON D.C.
FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION SEEKING TO WIRETAP INTERNET.
The Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) in conjunction with other relevant Investigation Agencies here in the State have been informed through our Global intelligence monitoring network that you have an on-going transaction with the Bank in African as regard to your over-due contract payment which was fully endorsed in your favour. It might interest you to know that we have taken time in screening through this project as stipulated on our protocol of operation and have finally confirmed that your contract payment is 100% genuine and hitch free from all facet and of which you have the lawful right to claim without any further delay. We will further advise that you go ahead and deal with the wood forest national accordingly as we will be monitoring all their correspondence with you.
In addition, also be informed that we recently had a meeting with the Executive director of Wood Forest National Bank, along with some of the top officials of the ministry regarding your case and they made us to understand that your file has been held in abase depending on when you personally apply for the claim. They also told us that the only problem they are facing right now is that some unscrupulous element are using this project as an avenue to scam innocent people off their hard earned money by impersonating.We were also made to understand that a lady with name of Mrs. Joan C. Bailey from CANADA has already contacted them and also presented to them all the necessary documentations evidencing your claim purported to have been signed personally by you prior to the release of your contract fund valued at about US$8,000,000.00 (Eight million united states dollars).
More so, we were advised to warn our dear citizens who must have been informed of their contract payment from Bank of African, to be very careful prior to the on-going internet irregularities, so that they would not fall victim of ugly circumstances. In case they are already dealing with anybody or office from the Bank of African are strictly advised to STOP further communication with them in their best interest and thereby contact the real Wood Forest National Bank via the below information:
NAME: MR. Timothy Hicks
OFFICE ADDRESS: Wood Forest National Bank Ohio
Central Business District,
NOTE: In your best interest, you should ignore any message that does not come from the above email address and phone number for security reasons. Meanwhile, you are hereby advised to contact the Accountant in charge of your fund.via above details immediately and request for instant attention to your payment files as directed herein, so as to enable you receive your contract fund accordingly.
To enable them attend to your payment files, you are required to reconfirm and authenticate your personal data/particulars as listed below for onward processing and release of you fund as we will not be held liable for any wrong payment.
FULL NAMES: ____________________________
TELEPHONE NUMBER: _____________________
Ensure you follow all due process as required by Account office in order to hasten up the whole procedures of your fund transfer to your designated account. Bear in mind,that the WOOD FOREST NATIONAL BANK equally has an operational operandi (payment protocol) in line with international banking policy. So, you should adhere to avoid any delay which maybe detriment your fund transfer.
Once again, we hereby advise you to contact them via the above email address and make sure you forward to them all the necessary information which they may require from you prior to the release of your fund to you. All modalities have already been worked out and we will be monitoring all your dealings with the WFNB's DIRECTOR in respect to your fund transfer. Thus, you have nothing to worry about as far as we the FBI is concerned.
Henceforth, you should always update us as to enable us be on track with you and the Wood Forest National Bank. Finally, we want you to contact them immediately via the above email address so as to enable them attend to your case accordingly without any further delay as time is already running out. Should you need more information(s) in regard to this notification, feel free to get back to us on this email address so that we can put you through and as well guide you during and after your successful actualization of this project.
Thank you very much for your anticipated co-operation in advance as we earnestly await your urgent response regards to this matter.
James B. Comey, Jr
Federal Bureau of Investigation
J. Edgar Hoover Building.
935 Pennsylvania Avenue,
NW Washington, D.C.
How are you? I'm fine. Are you enjoying the holiday season? Will you be releasing any more news during the holidays about your investigation into former Presidential candidate Hillary Clinton? Did she send you a Merry Christmas card this year? Did President-Elect Donald Trump send you a Merry Christmas card this year? Has Anthony Weiner emailed you any pictures of himself as Santa or an elf? Have you gotten a fruit basket or a case of vodka from Vladimir Putin? If so, do you get to keep that stuff or are your required to pass it around the office or hand it over to the Treasury Department? Just a thought, but you might want to re-gift something to Hillary for the holidays. I'm not saying that you owe her or anything but, you know, maybe it's the thought that counts.
By the way, thank you for sending to me the above email. I've read through it -- carefully -- and am convinced it's genuine because, after all, it says that it comes from you and you're the head of the FBI and, well, you know, no credible person would make all of that up, right? A few things that I would like to clarify about your email to me. How about we start at the top, okay?
Who the hell is "Donaldderis1973@gmail.com" and why are you using his email address to contact me? Is this your top-secret code name? If so, I'm sorry to inform you that your cover has been broken. Maybe you could change your Gmail address to "Donaldderis2017" or "Donaldtrump2017" and no one would ever catch on? If you're still friendly with Hillary Clinton, maybe she can give you some pointers about updating email addresses -- or perhaps she can refer you to Anthony Weiner for some tips?
The header to your email states: "FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION SEEKING TO WIRETAP INTERNET." That sounds like a lot of work. Are you sure that President-Elect Trump is onboard with the costs of wiretaping the entire Internet? I mean, just between us, he got worked up over the Air Force One and the Lockheed Martin F-35 Lightning II costs, and I would hate to be in your shoes when you present him with the estimate to wiretap the Internet.
I was humbled when you shared with me the fact that the FBI's "Global intelligence monitoring network" informed you that I have an:
on-going transaction with the Bank in African as regard to your over-due contract payment which was fully endorsed in your favour. It might interest you to know that we have taken time in screening through this project as stipulated on our protocol of operation and have finally confirmed that your contract payment is 100% genuine and hitch free from all facet and of which you have the lawful right to claim without any further delay. We will further advise that you go ahead and deal with the wood forest national accordingly as we will be monitoring all their correspondence with you.
Right off the bat, let me compliment you for the very finely polished English usage in that above communication to me. Whatever concerns that I may have had about this whole thing being another Internet scam were immediately dispelled by the professional grammar. For example, only someone educated in the Queen's English would use the word "favour" rather than the more common American English of "favor." I quickly realized that since this was an international transaction involving the Bank in African, that you were likely using someone from MI6 as a top-secret operative in your global intelligence monitoring network.
Thank you for that detailed explanation about your meeting with the "Executive director of Wood Forest National Bank, along with some of the top officials of the ministry." Just between us, Director Comey, and I'm going to keep this very secret, but you should have someone from the FBI check your computer keyboard because you may be having issues with "CAP LOCKS." You capitalized the "E" in "Executive director" but didn't capitalize the "d" in the "director." If you proofread your email, you will find a number of other capitalization errors but since it's Christmas and all, I'm not going to belabor that point.
I was happy to learn from you and your contacts that my my "file has been held in abase depending on when you personally apply for the claim." Pardon my naivete, but when you say my file is in "abase" just where exactly is that? I would like to personally visit the town or city of Abase but the fact that it's not coming up on any search is making it difficult to book passage.
Another thing, please extend my gratitude to:
a lady with name of Mrs. Joan C. Bailey from CANADA has already contacted them and also presented to them all the necessary documentations evidencing your claim purported to have been signed personally by you prior to the release of your contract fund valued at about US$8,000,000.00 (Eight million united states dollars).
I don't know of Mrs. Joan C. Bailey and never heard of her but beyond those minor issues, Joan and I are like best friends. As to the "Eight million united states dollars" owed to me, yet again, do yourself a favor -- sorry, a "favour" -- and have your CAPS LOCK checked. If it's going to expedite the release of the $8 million to me from the Bank of African, please know that I will personally sign whatever release is needed for this so-called "contract fund." If they can get the money to me before January 1, I would be happy to declare the income on my 2016 tax return.
You scared me when you warned me and others of your "dear citizens" about "on-going internet irregularities." As you so presciently noted, I truly to not want to "fall victim of ugly circumstances." I have fallen victim to both ugly and non-ugly circumstances and have found the former to be far worse than the latter. In an excess of caution, I'm going to directly contact "MR. Timothy Hicks" at his Wood Forest National Bank Ohio office. Not to impose too much upon you Director Comey, but just what is a "Cadastral Zone" and are you sure that there is one in Ohio? Also, why did you capitalize that "R" in "MR.?"
Oh and another thing -- not saying it's a big red flag or anything but I'm assuming that you have noticed that in order to contact Mr. Timothy Hicks, I'm supposed to send an emal to firstname.lastname@example.org . I did some research and found out that "yandex.com" is a Russian address. Nice to see that the FBI is now using Russian email addresses when engaged in global intelligence initiatives. Does that have something to do with the alleged Russian election hacking that I've been reading about? You might want to brief President-Elect Trump about this yandex.com thing and urge him to not directly contact Mr. (or "MR.") Timothy Hicks. If President-Elect Trump is also owed $8 million, would you please advise him that I will gladly handle the arrangements on his behalf. On the other hand, if he is going to directly contact Mr. Timothy Hicks, make sure that the President-Elect notes that the email address does not end with"email@example.com" but has been cleverly encrypted via a spelling error: "firstname.lastname@example.org." It's sent from "n.kplc" and not from nk.plc".
I understand that I am required to reconfirm and authenticate m "personal data/particulars" in order to expedite my payment and I want to personally assure you and the entire FBI that I would never, hever hold you folks liable for any wrong payment, particularly any wrong overpayment. One thing that does bothers me about the below request:
FULL NAMES: ____________________________
TELEPHONE NUMBER: _____________________
Given the extraordinary steps you have made to investigate my claim and to locate me with your email, don't you already have that information in your FBI files? Why do you need to know if I have sex? Are you limiting that question to only sex with other people or are you including only with myself? What does my age have to do with my eligibility for the payment?
Also, thank you for your admonition that I should ensure that I:
[F]ollow all due process as required by Account office in order to hasten up the whole procedures of your fund transfer to your designated account. Bear in mind,that the WOOD FOREST NATIONAL BANK equally has an operational operandi (payment protocol) in line with international banking policy. So, you should adhere to avoid any delay which maybe detriment your fund transfer.
We both clearly share a desire to "hasten up the whole procedures" of my fund transfer. I like the fact that the WOOD FOREST NATIONAL BANK has an "operational operandi" because I wouldn't want to deal with any legitimate bank lacking same. Similarly, I sure as hell don't want to incur any delay that "maybe detriment your fund transfer." Now, just between us Director Comey, I probably would have written that as "may be detrimental to your fund transfer," but I appreciate that there is some undercover operational operandi at play here and I see that you are trying to preserve your deep cover. I will preserve your confidence. My lips are sealed.
In closing, it comes as a great assurance and comfort to me to learn that "Thus, you have nothing to worry about as far as we the FBI is concerned." As far as I Bill Singer am concerned, it's wonderful that as far as you the FBI is concerned that I have nothing to worry about. I sense you and I are both dedicated to what you so perfectly characterized as the "successful actualization of this project."
Let me wish you a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year, and thanks for that lovely $8 million gift. My wife has really run up our Amazon Prime account this season and the extra bucks will prove helpful.