Bill Singer's First Annual Thanksgiving Holiday Fluff Piece

November 26, 2010

Okay, so -- here's how it is today. It's the Friday after Thanksgiving Day. I'm still stuffed. It's a cold, cloudy, rainy, crappy day.  Those idiots in North Korea are still lobbing shells. Ireland may or may not collapse, get bailed out, or remain on life support.  Derek Jeter is still unhappy about a $45 million contract offer. 

I dunno about you but I'm just not in the mood to write another story about fraud and crime on Wall Street.  There's still just a tad of tryptophan in my system from last night's turkey and -- hey, gimme a break today. I mean, c'mon, even Wall Street is closing mid-day.

So, with all of the above in mind, you're getting a fluff piece this morning. Enjoy. Don't enjoy. Whatever.


It is often said that Wall Street lives on rumors -- but those of us in the business also know that Wall Street lives on humor.  An industry colleague just sent me this wonderful list of pressing and burning questions.  I commend them to you:

  1. Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?
  2. Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?
  3. If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know?
  4. If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words?
  5. Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?
  6. Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?
  7. Why does "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing?
  8. Why do "tug" boats push their barges?
  9. Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game" when we are already there?
  10. Why are they called "stands" when they are made for sitting?
  11. Why is it called "after dark" when it really is "after light"?
  12. Doesn't "expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected?
  13. Why are a "wise man" and a "wise guy" opposites?
  14. Why do "overlook" and "oversee" mean opposite things?
  15. Why is "phonics" not spelled the way it sounds?
  16. If work is so terrific, why do they have to pay you to do it?
  17. If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
  18. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
  19. If you are cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?
  20. Why is bra singular and panties plural?
  21. Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control when you know the batteries are dead?
  22. Why do we put suits in garment bags and garments in a suitcase?
  23. How come abbreviated is such a long word?
  24. Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?
  25. Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
  26. Why do they call it a TV set when you only have one?
  27. Christmas - What other time of the year do you sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of your socks?
  28. Why do we drive on a parkway and park on a driveway?

To which I add these nuggets:

  • What's the difference between flammable and inflammable?
  • How come the television always works when the repair guy is there?
  • Why do people always touch park benches that have "Wet Paint" signs on them?
  • If someone from New York is a New Yorker, why do we call folks from Connecticut "Nutmeggers?"
  • Do the Dutch come from Holland or the Netherlands -- and why are there two names for the same place?
  • Why aren't hemorrhoids called asteroids?

Trying To Look Busy Today? 

Need To Find Some Fascinating Reading Material Until You Go For Lunch And Somehow Forget To Return To The Office But Get Paid For the Entire Day?

Well, Here's A Superb Solution!

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